You Call Me Crazy, How Much Of That Was You?: How to Spot a Gaslighter
Gas-lighting is a term I’ve seen used a lot lately on the interwebs. It’s often used in response to someone during an argument. I’m seeing a lot of people accusing others of gaslighting, and a lot of people are responding to this accusation with “wtf does that even mean?” For those that don’t know:
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destablize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s belief
(definition taken from the University of Wikipedia)
So gaslighting is basically someone being a dickhead and making it seem like the other person is wrong or at fault, when in reality, they are just putting the blame on them knowing damn well they were being a dick.
I’ve seen this happen on social media, in friendships, and a lot in relationships. I most often see this happen in the form of exes being referred to as “crazy.”
Let’s sit on this for a moment. Are these exes really crazy, or are they made out to seem that way due to psychological manipulation?
I’ve had an experience like this before. A guy I used to talk to was on some other shit. First instinct told me that dude was tripping, but I somehow got caught in the fog of gaslighting, and allowed him to convince me that I was the one wrong.
I’m not going to get into what he did, I still have a hard time talking about it, but it made me realize that this may not be a rare occurrence. How many times have we met someone new, and when asked about their past relationships they respond, “Aw yeah my ex was crazy.”
I think it’s time we wade into the depths of gaslighting and learn how to navigate this manipulative mist.
Here are some tips on how to spot gaslighting.
When a motherfucka is lying
The easiest key is noticing when someone is flat-out lying. For example, I have a friend who met a guy. They hit it off. Started talking. She found him on social media later and saw that he had a FIANCE and BABY. The caption under the baby said “my seed” and the caption under the girl said “my life.”
When she confronted him about it, he said it was his nephew and sister. There was literally a picture of him kissing the girl in the mouth. Okay you’re either a lying bitch or an incest bitch, either way, leave my friend out of it.
They make you out to be untrustworthy
These people are the worst. They try to make you lose your credibility. For example, I have a bad memory. I mean, I can’t remember shit on shit. Sometimes that makes me a target for gaslighting. They try to make me out to be untrustworthy because of my bad memory. I may not remember people’s faces, names, where I’ve been last summer, what I wore yesterday, what I ate this morning, or if I fed my dog, but I do and will always remember is that you’re a bitch ass bitch.
Gaslighters only care about themselves. They don’t really care about doing you harm per se, they just want their own way. If you come across someone that’s hella selfish, chances are they will do anything to get their way, including manipulating you through gaslighting.
Not everyone is a gaslighter or attempting to gaslight you in an argument. Sometimes you are just flat out wrong. It’s important to know the difference. Next time someone tries to make you out to be wrong ask them: You call me crazy, but how much of that was you?